Michael Cassman

Worklife wisdom with Diane

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“No, it’s been a sh*t morning.” That’s how my convo with Diane started and it only went downhill from there. I always ask her how she’s doing when I stumble into my favorite Southern Market at 6:13 every morning. (they have the most consistently mediocre coffee I’ve ever tasted ♥)

“My first customer of the day was my ex-husband so that was bullsh*t. Now the gas pumps ain’t working so peoples upset. The oven ain’t workin so I can’t make up all the sausage-egg-and-cheese biscuits to keep all the old men from getting hangry…”

Me: *getting coffee*

“Plus this weather’s been a pain in the ass… I was made for the summer so this rain and cold is killing me… and I’ve been up since 2am…”

Me: 😐 *sips coffee*

“The coffee’s not bad though.”

“I hate coffee…” she declared as she cracked open an exquisite room temp Bud Light, “it may be 6am but it ain’t too early to start drinking…”

Why do I tell you this?

Just so you can take comfort in knowing that if you’re having a bad day, as long as it’s not a “crack open a room temperature Bud Light at 6am” kinda day it could probably be a lot worse.


Diane’s worst day ever didn’t end with delightfully lukewarm discount brewskies. The following morning she preached Part 2 with the fervor of a born-again Pentecostal, “I was flyin down Jackson road and this damn deer jumped outta nowhere and almost kilt me… I had to slam on my brakes and all my sh*t went flyin everywhere. Spilled my drink [presumably delightfully lukewarm water] all over myself…”

Jayda, a grandmotherly, silver-haired descendant of the Woman King, nodded and cackled the way only life-long smokers cackle… adding in the occasional “my, my lordy he he HEEE.”

*me doing my coffee thing* 🙃

“…then I went to the house I always do house cleaning for and apparently the couple broke up, I was locked outta the house. But luckily there was a 16-foot ladder leaning against the side”

“my, my lordy he he HEEE.” 

“…now I hadn’t climbed up a ladder in years and I damn near fell off and kilt myself… but I climbed up onto the deck and got in through the back door, cleaned the sh*t outta that house.”

“He he HEEE my lordy….” 

Considering all the chaos (and the ladder) from Diane’s worst day ever I couldn’t help but recall a quote from one of the most ill-fated shows in human history…

“Chaos is a ladder.”

You can choose to succumb to the chaos around you or you can thrive and excel in it.

Breaking and entering aside, Diane proved determined, dedicated and resourceful… despite having just suffered through the worst work day ever.

She coulda walked away from the house cleaning job to get home early and collapse into the warm embrace of a Bud Lite 24-pack… she could have succumbed to the chaos…

But instead, she chose to thrive and excel.

She cleaned the sh*t outta that house.

Be like Diane… 

EDIT: I don’t condone any illegal activity.

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